The rudest networker I have ever encountered
Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength. Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983)
“You have absolutely no interest in me and you’re not even bothered about concealing this fact.” I’m sure that you have attended many networking events and after giving it your all in the rapport building department with a fellow business networker you’ve walked away with that conclusion under your belt. But should you walk away or should you actually confront such rudeness? I found myself in this situation a few weeks ago and I would love to know how you would have handled the situation had you been in my position.
Here’s what happened…
I was introduced to a person at a networking event and as he seemed a little reluctant to engage in conversation, I began the process, asking him what he did, even discovering we had some common ground which I mentioned in a bid to stimulate a two-way conversation. What happened? After asking several questions and showing an interest in him only to be rewarded with monosyllabic responses and absolutely no interest whatsoever in me, I decided to let the silence hang in the air. What did he do? He saw it as an opportunity to whip out his mobile phone, check his messages and to add to this ignominy, to compose text messages.
To say that I was absolutely shocked and horrified by this behaviour is an understatement. But instead of saying something to him, I simply walked away, smarting and quite outraged.
You see, I don’t understand the point of attending networking events if you are not going to build relationships and generally be open to the hardly spectacular concept of being professional, friendly and sociable – maybe, maybe even meeting people that you can help instead of the other way round. Okay, not everyone that you meet is going to float your boat and there will be some events where you will walk away with nothing other than a nice feeling at meeting new people, or a feeling of frustration that this event was a waste of your time. But if you’re going to make the effort to turn up to an event, surely it’s incumbent on you to make the effort to be present, professional and have a smattering of good manners with the people you meet. If that seems a bridge too far, don’t bother.
What would you have done in my position?
I suspect I was a chicken for not confronting this person…
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Hi Dee
I definitely think you did the right thing. Don’t waste your time on him; he’s not worth the effort or energy.
I can’t imagine how someone could be so rude.
He was incredibly stupid not to give YOU the time of day. Big mistake on his part. He’s missed a cracking opportunity there!
Happy networking!
Nicola x
Thank you Nicola! You are right, being restrained in tongue and pen is so important at times!
Hello Dee.
All I can say is, HE is missing out and clearly could have learnt a lot from you! Would you want to do business with him? Probably not. I think you handled the situation perfectly, you were your sweet, enthusiastic self and managed to not let yourself go down to his level – always best to walk away, that way he simply shows himself up, whilst your reputation stays intact. (Oh, one learns the hard way sometimes, but one learns – if one is not a fool!)
Congratulations Dee – you did well!
Hi Catherine what a lovely reply and such sound advice too. Thankyou. X
I would have walked away, the moment I saw he was unresponsive. Their is nothing you can with ignorant people. The guy sounds like a waste of space, and your response was the right one to take. I think you acted more reasonably then most people would have.
hi Gerald sometimes you have to make yourself act in the opposite way. The dialogue in my mind was very different to what I actually said. Thankyou for responding!
I’m grateful for these people training me on how not to behave.
Hear hear Mr Fifield!
It was his loss Dee. Fortunately, this “type” in my experience is rare, but when it happens is nevertheless unpleasant. I think you did exactly the right thing, or maybe I’m chicken too! Recently I encountered a similar person/similar situation, no mobile though. They’re not interested in listening or you, just trying to “sell”. On this occasion, before I took it personally, his approach was recalled to me by more than one other person at the event.
Sadly, it’s this attitude that got “networking” a bad name originally, and whilst it is rarer these days it still exists. Even more sad – and you know I’m not a “bra-burning, for women only”, networker, it still is the chaps that do this. I’ve yet to experience a woman with this approach, although I guess they could exist.
So, I would reiterate, his loss, and gave you time to spend with more worthy networkers! Jx
Fabulous to have a response from the queen of networking! Thank you Jackie. X
No everyone shares our own high standards that many of us rightly set for ourselves. It’s hard not to be judgemental about such behaviour which we see as unacceptable, yet he clearly doesn’t.
People get back when they give – “reap just what you sow” (Lou Reed, not me!). Take pleasure and comfort in the fact that this vulgar fool will spend so much of his future wasting his time at such events, alienating himself and leading to the self inflicted demise of his business. Let him continue in his own world – while it lasts – and take pride that we have so much higher standards and respect for others ourselves.
What a beautifully composed and articulate response Paul. Thankyou for stopping by. Dee
Ahhh Mrs Blick…I have been there (probably at some of the same networking events that you have attended!) and it is indeed ignorant in the extreme to behave in such a way. Just look at what his behaviour got him – a starring role in a massively popular blog for all the wrong reasons!
You did the right thing Dee, I could learn a lesson or two from you. I think he would have got rather a different reaction from me I am afraid to say.
Hi Dee,
You were absolutely right to walk away and although I’m sure you were seething inside you didn’t say anything you may have regretted later. He’s certainly not worth bothering about and it’s definately his loss not yours!
See you soon.
Alice x
You did the right thing, Dee. No point in wasting any more energy on someone so negative. We are all used to the networker who talks constantly about themselves, so it must have been disconcerting to meet the opposite!
I think you did the right thing too, what astounds me is that there are still people that don’t really get what networking is all about.
It’s not about selling at all, its about meeting people that you might collaborate with, that might be future suppliers and generally just extending your network of contacts.
You could meet someone who you don’t think you have anything in common with from a business perspective but you never know who they might know. They could be married to the CEO of a really great potential client!!
It must be really hard networking for this guy if he expects to pick up all his customers directly from events that’s all I can say!
People like that irritate me, but I think the best plan is to ignore them. You can’t take their rudeness personally.
One related phenomenon is the person who starts believing themselves too important to respond to phone calls or emails from clients and suppliers. Getting Big Cheese delusions like that just alienates your customers – and payback time comes sooner or later.
In agreement with Gail – you never know when you will come across the people that you meet in life further down the line. But that aside, it’s just plain unprofessional to treat anyone in that manner whoever they are. It must have been hard not to make some cutting response, but why would you raise your blood pressure? On the other hand,with all of your experience you would have been the perfect person to comment on his lack of networking manners – he obviously hasn’t read your latest book!
Hello Dee
You were certainly not a chicken for not confronting him. You played your part admirably and professionally the fact that he didn’t wish to take part but also to be rude to boot is his loss. You were wise to walk away with head held high and dignity.
with kind regards
Julie Williamson
Dee you were very classy in your restraint, I would have said I think your flies are open and when he looked down said oh now you’re listening….. goodbye or I can see I am boring you I shall go and seek somebody with manners.
Andrea X
Ohhh not pleasant..
I’d probably have done the same as you but it might cross my mind to let my drink fall out of my glass?
Completely understand why you reacted the way you did, but on reading your retelling, I actually wish you had asked him why he was so patently uninterested. His behaviour is not just rude but completely bizarre and therefore I would be intrigued to know what lay behind it. Maybe he had come only to speak to a specific person and finding out you were not they, wanted to find that person quickly and yet, he was rude in turning to his phone and messages. Or maybe something was happening that was of such importance, perhaps back at the office, he was unaware of just how rude he was being? (And should have been there rather than at a networking event!)
Undoubtedly rude but there seems more to it, which alas we shall never find out….
Unfortunately this sort of behaviour seems to be growing in both business and social settings. Why turn up if you wish you were elsewhere? Business networking costs money – even if it is your time – so it makes sense to get the most out of it and share as much as possible whilst there. I think I would have just walked away as well – I doubt this person would have understood your point of view if you had voiced it.